Getting Past Eeyore Days: #BOAW2015

I wrote a piece for the Beauty of a Woman BlogFest yesterday and holy crap did it suck.  It wasn’t poorly written, but it was written by a “poor-me” writer, that was for damn sure.  I was having one of those “Eeyore” days, my three-year-old was repeatedly having drama fits and I am trying to lose weight.  Not only that, but since I stay at home with my kids by myself I can’t be drunk and ignore them.  The law is pretty strict on that.

The title of the unpublished post I wrote was titled “Sour Seeds of Self-Loathing”.  Getting the picture of the frame of mind I was in?  Very teen angsty.

Anyway, the content of the piece was a disjointed cluster fuck about my poor self-image, teaching my sons to see true beauty and based on the title, apparently grumpy gardening. After reading it over I decided that I had totally missed the mark and that the whole thing had nothing to do with how I felt or even represented my unique blogging voice. The blog that follows will be all about what I find beautiful in women, including myself because gosh darn it…I deserve it.

Imperfect Teeth: The women on my father’s side of the family have this amazing gap between their front teeth.  It’s not big enough to drive a bus through, but it is there.  I always thought it made these women look mysterious and somehow stronger than they otherwise appeared.  Growing up in Minnesota there was no shortage of Scandinavian looking women (much like our BlogFest Hostess who is also a Minnesota native), but here were my great aunts and my grandmother who had reddish brown hair, sparkling blue eyes and that beguiling gap between their tiny, geometric Norwegian teeth which gave them a “You can just go to hell” expression.

Transforming Faces: The “ah-ha” moment for ditching my “Debbie Downer” version of this post came to be during The Price is Right.  I was watching one of the young ladies on Contestants Row and analyzing her appearance.  Not in a negative way, but more curious about what a person such as she was like.  She was, for lack of a better word, mousey.  Fine ashy brown hair, glasses and a nose that indicated she was a chronic allergy sufferer or had recently been suffering from one hell of a cold.  I wondered how she felt about her appearance. Was she happy?  Did she think she was mousey or plain?  Was she still suffering from that cold? Did she drink as much Nyquil as I did?

At this point, the woman next to her won the chance to come on stage and something remarkable happened to Mouse’s face.  Her smile was open and warm.  The eyes behind those glasses shown and twinkled with true happiness for the other woman who had just won.  Everything in her lit up as she clapped and cheered for someone else’s joy. I found myself smiling with her and knew that she was beautiful. So beautiful that I would want to be friends with her and let her borrow my books, which I rarely do.

Comforting Voices: We ALL know that a woman’s voice is just nicer than a man’s voice.  I mean, I know that Barry White has a certain something to his voice, but if you’re sad or have the sniffles, I bet Betty White’s voice would make you feel better.  Barry might just get you in the mooooood to bump peepees with someone.  Betty White might do that for you too, but that’s not what I am talking about here.  I am talking about the calming, nurturing effect that women have, specifically in their voices.  There is a reason why most automated systems and Siri have female voices.  It’s the one thing from preventing us all from going totally fucking bananas when dealing with those damn thing.  Seriously.  It’s a scientific fact.  Look it up.  Use Siri.

Quirks Abound: Everyone is allowed quirks.  We all know that person who doesn’t have quirks and no one wants them at the party, they are just invited because they’re always with so-an-so and you’d feel bad.

But think about this for a second, women have a more acceptable level of quirkiness because a good portion of it comes off as “cute.”  When a guy has an excess of quirks we all start thinking the same things: where are the bodies buried?  Is he collecting my hair? Does his facial hair grow in that way, or does he actually shave it that way? What could a guy be up to if he smells like shoe polish all of the time?…am I right?

But if a girl is quirky everyone is thinking, “Could she be any cuter?” (think Chandler Bing when reading that).  People will look at the girl wearing a tweed skirt with bolwing shoes playing a mouth-harp and think she is just a free spirit and seriously think about wearing paperclips as decorations for their own eyeglasses.  A woman’s differences make her unique where a man’s differences makes him a threat to all small animals.

Body Language: How many of you read the heading to this part as Ursula from The Little Mermaid?  High Five!

I have to say that no matter what the shape of a woman is, if she dresses for that shape she will look great.  The shape of a woman is pleasing, plain and simple.  Whether a woman looks like she stopped developing in 7th grade or looks like the hourglass was modeled after her, it doesn’t matter, it’s a pleasing form.  Plus, if you have a big butt, and people like it, you know those people are trustworthy because they just can’t lie.

I really hope after reading this post that someone out there gets a boost from it, if not total self-satisfaction.  I hope that I can one day reach the same level of acceptance of myself and quit sewing the sour seeds of self-loathing.  Full circle!  Booya.

Please enjoy all of the contributions to this year’s Beauty of a Woman BlogFest!

http://www.augustmclaughlin.com/boaw15/