Just Random Effing Thoughts I Will Apologize For Later

Not everyone I know likes to be called “bitch” and I really have a hard time accepting that fact.  It’s not that I think everyone is a bitch (or do I?) it’s that I just think it’s an appropriate way of greeting or stating something to anyone.

“Bitch, where are my fucking pants?”

“Oh, that bitch be crazy.”

“I love you too, bitch.”

Just now I was doing Mom Research (Facebook) and I saw that a girl I knew has fully grown chickens and that she and I had discussed us buying some eggs from her chikens’ asses.  I almost wrote “Bitch, where are my eggs?” on her Facebook page.  I was seriously VERY close.  It took me a few moments to realize that not everyone responds well to being addressed as bitch…nor do they like egg entitlement from people they barely know.

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My neighbor next door is a crabby bitch.  This time I mean bitch in the literal sense…not the friendly one.

When I realized that there was free air conditioning outside today and went around the house opening windows, I saw she was RIGHT outside my east window where the best breezes come through.  I had to wait to open the window.  I couldn’t really put my finger on why I felt the need to wait.  Did I just not want to talk to her?  She was bending over, would she think I was looking at her ass?  Would I be obliged to talk to her through my window?  That would be weird…I mean, we live next to each other, but we’re not really neighborly like Tim the Tool Man Taylor and his disembodied neighbor What’s-his-face.

Finally I settled on just waiting to open the window until she left.  I told the kids that the evil witch that lives in the haunted house next door has gas and I didn’t want it to come in through the window because it would smell like death.

Problem solved.

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When you’re pretty sure that a book or a DVD you own is absolutely NO good to you anymore, you might bring them to a used book store, put them on a garage sale or simply give them away.

But what if it’s porn?  What do people do with a porn DVD that just isn’t giving them the tinglies down there anymore?  Do you have to throw it away?  Is there a porn recycling program so that some 14 year-old boy somewhere can be where you used to be in discovering their sexuality?

Someone needs to look into this problem.  We can’t have porn filling up our landfills.

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3 Responses to Just Random Effing Thoughts I Will Apologize For Later

  1. Mike says:

    Wilson. What’s-his-face is Wilson..

    Like

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