Same Day Lip Plump

So, here I am…sitting at my laptop just trying to see if my recent vacation sucked all of the angst out of me leaving me with nothing to write about.  Of course, then I remember that I am a type A introvert who is very easily annoyed and I just let life wash over me.

I will admit that my recent vacation did leave me pleasantly relaxed so I don’t feel up to tackling the hard hitting issues of our generation: taxes, apartheid, religion or even the Kylie Jenner Challenge…no, wait, that one is so God damn unbelievable that I need to touch on that one.

So, for those of us over the age of 18 and with more IQ points than fingers, I will explain what this whole phenomena is about.  Basically, “da kids” are using things like shot glasses to plump up their lips in order to mimic the unnatural pout of Kylie Jenner.


So, as you can see from the picture above, the media is taking on this ridiculous activity as something you should talk to your kids about and know the warning signs.  They’re basically turning this into a “Just Say No” campaign minus Nancy Regan.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for an open dialog with your kids, but I don’t think I could have this conversation the way the media wants me too…because they are WRONG about how they are approaching the whole thing.  What do those idiot teenagers want…attention…yeah, there, you have it.  Not only that, but now they think they are doing something “risky” and standing up to authority.  The way things are being played out online and on tv, it won’t be long before kids are walking around with their lips stuck in vacuum attachments.

So, instead, let’s not give these kids what they want, let’s do what we all want to do.  Roll our eyes and laugh.  Instead of going in with concerned parents guns blazing, go in with the same attitude your grandparents would have toward this utterly lame practice (you can leave out the generational racism though*).  Point and laugh if you have to!  Go ahead and show them pictures of Meg Ryan!  Don’t be concerned that your kids may try this challenge and cause permanent damage to their lips.  Go into this whole situation saying something like “I sure hope I didn’t raise a kid lame enough to do something like that.”  Shame them.  I know I would be ashamed of myself if I had a kid who looked up to the likes of the Jenners/Kardashians.  Oh Lord Jesus, it’s a Fire!

Why isn’t Teen Shaming a thing?  Maybe it would stop kids from doing the stupid shit they do.  It may have stopped a lot of us from tight rolling our jeans or wearing hypercolor shirts.  Don’t be concerned…be a jerk. Channel all of the TV dads from the 80s who “just didn’t get it”.

I’m pretty sure I just saved the next generation from blowing up the planet and having ridiculously large lips.

*Did you have one of those grandparents who would randomly throw out a racial term? I did.  All you could do is try and change the subject because there was no getting into it with a almost 90-year-old WWII veteran.  You try and chalk it up to a “generational” thing and hope that you won’t get punished in the afterlife.


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