Triggers and Pizza

I have been blogging nearly everyday in an attempt to put some “content” up for people to read.  Whether or not it is quality content is questionable, but at least there are several posts to peruse through sound someone happen to stop by.  However, now I feel like I can back off a bit and only write once or twice a week so.  No…no…don’t cry.  I will still write, just not as often and I still respect you.  Honestly, it was magical for me too.

To be honest, it is getting more and more difficult to be this fucking funny and entertaining almost every damn day.  I just can’t get that much blood from this stone…the stone being my heart and the blood being, blood, I guess.

So, I will leave you with this SUPER random-ass blog to read over and over again until I write again sometime in the next week.  I don’t want to “schedule” a day to post blogs because sometimes I just NEED to write and there is an idea in my brain that is turning into a pearl and I have to put it out there.

Let the randomness commence!

I can’t decide whether or dark sense of humor is a product of nature or nurture.  Probably like most things it’s a combination of both.  I come from a line of darkly humored people.  In fact, my father and I share the same trigger phrase.

What’s a “trigger phrase” you may asking?  It’s that one phrase or word that makes you laugh without fail and without being able to control it.  I had a friend once who could not hear or say the word “paraplegic” without snorts and giggles. A former co-worker would have an unnatural reaction if someone ever said “shit his/her/your/my pants”.  It’s a common thing for people with dark humor and who are amazingly smart and awesome.

The trigger phrase that would set my dad and I off was “burst into flames”.  No joke.  I am trying not to laugh as I type this.  I cannot explain it.  I never thought about how something like this could get one in trouble until my mom was telling my dad and I a story about a woman in a car accident that involved a car fire.  I blame her for what followed because she really should have known that my dad and I had this trigger and that we’re both jerks. So, when she stated that the woman “burst into flames” and my dad and I busted out laughing she should not have been surprised.

Were we right to laugh at this poor woman’s tragedy?  Well, of course not.  I don’t WANT to be the type of asshole that laughs at this shit, but my brain is just a dark place and apparently people’s misery amuses me.  Not all misery, just the type where people spontaneously combust.  That shit IS funny.  In fact, it is so funny that my mom called us “terrible people” and walked away.  Can’t you see how she was to blame for all of what transpired?

The day I start Weight Watchers is National Pizza Day?  What. The. Actual. Fuck? I just had swiss chard for lunch…think about that while you’re eating your delicious melted cheese, you bastards.

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One Response to Triggers and Pizza

  1. Brad says:

    At least you didn’t try to start on National Donut Day.

    Like

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