Oily Strippers

I started another blog entry earlier today on the fundamental personality differences between born again Christians and hipsters, but somewhere along the line my thought process was waylaid by male strippers.

If you think that I was fantasizing, you are wrong.  Dead wrong.  When I call forth images of male strippers from my brain they are usually of the 1980s vintage like that scene in Mr. Mom where women hijack Michael Keaton’s character and take him to a dude strip joint.  The women are going mad over this undulating, oily dude on stage.  In my memory the dude has a mullet and “frosted” hair.  Heh, remember when “highlights” were called that and everyone suddenly looked like a Backstreet Boy?

Back to male strippers.  Who finds them sexy or arousing?  I don’t.  I tend to think they are awkward and unnatural.  It seems like a bad game of telephone where the “sexy” message has been horribly distorted but seems oddly familiar.

I think we can all agree that what women find arousing and what men find sexy are two different things.  To be honest, I don’t even know what I find sexy.  I think that men are taught that the outward projection of their sexuality (no, I am not talking about public erections) is something to be celebrated and talked about.  Women, on the other hand, were taught that a lady does not speak of such things.  Maybe that is why puberty is so hard on girls.  As hormones awaken parts of the brain that sees attractive mates, we are also told that acting on these feelings will lead us down the road to being a “slut”, which apparently is beyond terrible for your reputation.

So, at some point, probably during the super tasteful 1970s, a marketing executive with an excess of body oil thought that what was good for men is also good for women and started the male stripping movement.  To make it ultra confusing, he marketed those poor men with a name that brought forth antique furniture and Disney characters and mocked their professions by having them wear ironic bowties.  This is all very historically accurate and is the true account of the birth of the Chippendale Dancers.

Why am I not swearing more?

So, there we were in an age where women were coming into the workforce and starting to talk about sexuality and no one had a fucking clue.  All of these strange ideas working together just lead women to try and BE men.  All of this confusion is why the 80s were full of women screaming at glistening men who were acting like females and women trying to act like men and wearing shoulder pads in their power suits.

Now, ask yourself, what do I find sexy?  I happen to be a heterosexual female, but I will admit that if I am going to watch a stripper, I would rather it be female.  The female body is just more beautiful than the male’s.  We all know this to be true.  The curves and lack of pointy appendages just makes it a more graceful shape.

Women are different, however, and while we think we have to behave like men while watching male strippers, if we are watching female strippers we are simultaneously doing two things, appreciating and judging.  If we are all honest, I think what women would rather watch is an art of seduction, otherwise known as a burlesque show.  A celebration of the female form and cunning.

You know who else likes burlesque shows?  Hipsters.  They think they have a monopoly on vintage and retro EVERYTHING.  I just brought this blog full-fucking-circle!

*Oh and , by the by, there is a blogger out there that deals with these issues and many many more.  She is much more sane and eloquent in her writing as well as more informed.  If you are female, are attracted to females or you were born to a female, you should read her blog.

 https://augustmclaughlin.wordpress.com/girl-boner/